I use to hold on, fight with everything I had, because I had to. Because it was Logan and I against the rest of the world, even thought I had very many people on my side. Since those days, not so long ago, I have found someone even more driven to fight for Logan and I. I have found someone who was willing to do the things I was too tired to do. I found someone who went out of his way to make my life a little easier and lot more special. I have found someone who I learnt to trust and depend upon with all my heart.
Basically like the fairytale makes us believe, I had found my happily ever after.
What I knew yet someone managed to misplace somewhere in a file, filed away in the archives of my mind, is that life is still life. My fairytale will always be a fairytale of love and happiness and fulfillment. But life is not the perfect place where the villain is defeated for the rest of eternity. Every single day, we seem to fight a battle of some sort. And I know some days, it really isn’t all that bad. But the past couple of weeks has been like that. Many times, I pushed through without too many frustrations, just going through the motions. Other days and this week for some reason I am in a bit of a pit where I feel very sorry for myself. Where I feel like my life will never get any better.
I need to stop this wallow of self-pity now, before it goes any further. I need to remind myself:
- I am loved, not only by Kobus, but by many people.
- I have found an amazing, nurturing and patient kind of love in Kobus
- My little monster is an intelligent little boy, who comes up with the cutest things on a daily basis.
- He is happy in his new school, he is happy in our family.
- He is confident and brave.
- We are all healthy
- Apart from me, who is too healthy, but I’m still going to the gym. I am loosing weight and I am finding myself.
- And while I am at that I am learning patience.
- And it seems like I am learning a bit discipline as well, although I may need to learn to apply this in different areas of my life.
- Although it feels like I am in the slow lane career-wise, I am going somewhere
- I have the means to study. I am studying (discipline thing again). I need to be studying harder. I need to keep my focus.
- Financially I am getting ahead. (Acknowledging this and making a commitment to follow through a bit stronger)
- Life is all about maintenance and upkeep, things break. Things need replacing. It is life and I need to start accepting this.
It really does seem like the villain might be my mind and the things I chose to believe! Happy Wednesday everyone!