Psycho-analysis + Brilliant Ideas = Perfect conclussion

Let me start by saying I am extremely excited about this pregnancy!  I talk, think and breathe this pregnancy and for the most part this has been the main reason for my lack of blogging – people do not want to hear about your pregnancy all-the-time. 

And yet as excited as I am about it, I am a little irritated by the timing!  (Probably still my own fault)   It feels like a little part of me is being bullied out of the white wedding I wanted.  Not that my whole relationship and or marriage  with the Beefmaster is based on the wedding day itself or by the photos they represent, but merely because like most female, I have been dreaming about this day for a while.  In being realistic about all this I can do one of the following:

  1. Get married before the baby arrives – which we have considered, however commuting / lack of resources (time & energy) and the need to assess our opportunity cost (i.e.  spend money on wedding or spend money on baby stuff)
  2. Get married after the baby arrives – means I have to wait waaaaay too long.   And it really means I have to do things differently from how I did it with my first-born which is really contradicting to how I want them done.  In plain English:  I need to do the responsible thing:  have a maintenance agreement in place and register baby in my surname.  Which means lots of admin to fix afterwards..
  3. Get married in a different way – Elope and get married.  Get married in court.  Have a tiny reception on a tight budget.   

[ believe it or not, all that was background information.  Just so you don’t get lost in my train of though ]

As for the psycho-analysis part, I think maybe a tiny part of me, wanted to have this wedding different, let’s call it out of sequence if you will …  I do not have a great relationship with my father.   And even though he would not have been the person who would have walked me down the aisle, a part of me, must be afraid of what he would think if he wasn’t asked to do this.   Or I tiny part of my doesn’t want to include him in my joyful day.  Or fear at the thought of him and my mother being at the same event – leaving the atmosphere completely awkward.    There really is a million different ways I can twist all this around in my head.  Fact remains things aren’t going to happen as nature intended it to happen.  And that is surprisingly okay!  (when I am not feeling a slight irritation, but then I am pregnant – it really is too be expected)

[psycho-analysis over and done]

Firstly to answer the question of how we will get married, it really is simple – we are planning to get married in an elopement, with only ourselves and the kids.  Something simple, elegant and pure.  (Shockingly, it is still in the planning process.)  After the baby is born we will have a more formal celebration with family and friends.  In an environment where we can declare our commitment in front of our families and celebrate life and family! 

Today while reading the millions of wedding related blog posts I am still gathering in my google reader,  I got the brilliant idea.  One of my favourite things about the whole wedding was the excitement.  The save the date cards.  The count down to the date.  The invitations.  Branding the day.  Building the excitement.  The magic that day holds in your heart.  The beauty of showing the love you share as man and woman to the people near your heart. 

This really cleared everything in my heart!  It is easy to translate my wedding excitement to the excitement of the day we will celebrate life, as a family.  With two people who love each other and who declare that they will raise their children in Christian home with Christian values.

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the Beefmaster and Miss Piggy – A Timeline… with twists

Feb 2010:

Joined a dating site, along with a friend.  Never really thinking my Prince Charming could finally actually be looking for me.  At the time I sort of started giving up on the idea of finding someone who would really care for me.  I started chatting with the Beefmaster and found common interests and similar passions very quickly.  After a couple of days of chatting we took the plunge and met for a coffee very many cups of coffee.  One thing lead to another, kind of quickly and we were officially a couple…  With a kid on each side, so more like a family!

April 2010 – I met his parents.

At some point after that – he met my mother

July 2010:   

The beefmaster arranged a magical evening away for two.  He arranged with a friend of mine to babysit my kid (*still to be awarded a name for the blog) and sneaked me to a little getaway spot at Hartebeespoort.  With a picnic basket and a bottle of champagne he proposed to me and I said yes!

We started planning the dream wedding for the 8th of August 2011.

TWIST #1

Shortly after starting the wedding arrangements, I was informed that I had been retrenched.  I started the race in search of new employment.  We tested what was a kind of new relationships.  And we did pretty well.

TWIST #2

Commuting between Pretoria and Johannesburg.  Need I say more?  I found alternative employment, although it happened to be  in Johannesburg.  This meant a lot of the daily activities regarding my son was left in the very capable hands of the beefmaster.  Again, as little fun these twists are – they make us stronger and more capable.

Because of all the commuting and lack of time and or energy – we decided to postpone the wedding date.  The new date was set for the 1st of October 2011.    

November 2010

For a long time the beefmaster and I thought of the idea of adding to our family of four.  The idea was to document the cycles; to have the factory looked at and to start trying for a baby.  With so many people out there battling to fall pregnant, I was petrified that we would battle for conceive.  

07 February 2011

The gynaecologist confirmed that we are in fact pregnant.  5.5 Days to be exact :)

TWIST #3

Pregnant and commuting to Johannesburg with the added bonus that the baby would probably be due in the week leading up to the wedding, if not on the actual planned wedding date.

But as seen with all twists, good comes from them.  First and foremost, from the beginning of May, I will no longer be commuting to Johannesburg.  I managed to find employment in Pretoria – I am thrilled.  Regarding the wedding – Will we get married?  Most definitely.  Will it be in a big white dress – who knows!  And does that really matter?

So there we go – short and sweet, with a lot of detail left out.  But nevermind that, there is still lots of time for detail :)

theREBOUND

Over the weekend Kobus and I watched a film called “The Rebound”.  The plot of the story is something along the following lines:

Husband has an affair.   Wife files for a divorce and moves herself and the two kids to the city.  She finds a job, gets her life back on track and then her best friend advises that she now needs a rebound relationship.  Date means finding a nanny and luckily the cute boy from the coffee shop below her flat mentioned that he is a babysitter.  Very typical from these kind of films is that Mom falls in love with the boy nanny who is almost half her age.  She fights the urge to call it a relationship.  She gives up and call it a relationship.  Twist in the story and she breaks up with him because he is too young and according to her, things can never work because she is holding him back from his dreams.

This is pretty much where Kobus and I had a little difference in opinion about men and woman.  He felt that Mom was being unfair and not giving the relationship a chance.  I understood where she was coming from, I honestly think there is a big difference between a female dating a man much younger (we are talking 15 years younger) with kids on her side, no kids on his.  And a man dating a woman fifteen years younger, with or without kids.

So, what is your opinion?

**  Naturally as with all films of this kind.  Boy and Girl did meet again.  This film had a slight twist, I really liked the twist.  I think it is a lovely light film, perfect if your man is a Catherine ZetaJones fan.

Credit

how I became a Fiancée:

Edit to add:  I wrote this post on Monday morning after he asked me to marry him on Saturday the 17th of July 2010.

Kobus had organised everything: My friend had fetched Logan; Kobus had left for work for a bit and I was in the bath, pampering and descrubbing.  The limited information I had, involved packing an overnight bag and preparing myself for an amazing night.  The rest was to be a surprise!

Early the afternoon we arrived at a little lodge close to Hartebeespoortdam.  We were checked into the honeymoon suite and I was overwhelmed with the sudden appearance of a picnic basket, a bottle of champagne and a big bunch of long-stem red roses.  After a hic-up or two regarding the picnic spot we were next  to the dam, Kobus and I with a lot of water as the backdrop.  My heart was skipping a beat because I knew what was coming and as many times as I had painting the picture for myself, the reality of it was more special than I could every had imagined: 

Yes, it involved Kobus on one knee asking me if I will marry him.  This was followed by a many, many sweet words, a part of me didn’t hear.  All because I wanted and needed to reply to his initial question.  We enjoyed a lovely picnic, took lots of photos of us and soaked ourselves in the moment. 

Even though nothing has changed, everything has changed.  I am still the same person, I still love the same person and I honestly though it is just a ring.  (An amazing ring but just a ring)  Yet it isn’t just a ring, it is a ring that symbolises our love.  I am becoming all mushy and need to stop now. 

My status has changed.  I am a new person.  I’m not just Alet or Alet, Logan’s mom.  I am redefined as Alet, soon to be wife of Kobus Swart.

Growing responsible…

When settling down in a loving relationship one find yourself, should I say, I find myself getting use to the idea of being patient. 

I’m not very patient by nature, if I decide I want something, I want it now!  Kobus and I decided very quickly that we wanted to move in together and the only thing that really kept us from doing this, properly was the fact that he has a 12 month contract that when broken he would lose his deposit and he needed to give two months notice.  All in all, it has been worth it for us to wait!  The idea was that we would find a slightly bigger, three bedroom unit with an additional luxury here and there.  This would mean that we both would save a bit on rent if we were to compare this to what we are paying at the moment. 

Unfortunately, the Sperm-Donor and his non-payment of maintenance have given me a bit of a back-log on finances and as much as I know the bit extra that I will save in rent will make a difference – I honestly do not want to have to worry and the quicker I can get out of debt as a whole the better.

This lead us to the decision to stay a little longer in my townhouse in order for me to close some much-needed holes.  

Not that it  is my preference of course.  It is the right thing to do!

Easter 2010

Yes, this is the first Easter Holiday since Kobus and I are together.  It was very special and I am trying to remember as much of it as I can.  So think of this post as a diary entry: 

 Thursday Night Kobus and I enjoyed a night out filled with sushi, dancing and jumping in the puddles of water.  It felt strangely comforting to be out and not a.) getting drunk, b.) flirting with men, c.) smoking. 

After fetching Logan from the best friend on Friday morning we made a proper breakfast and spent the afternoon watching films!  The evening we made flap jacks for supper and baked bran muffins for “padkos” for the road to Klerksdorp.  After our baking ventures we made ourselves comfortable online and looked at 3 bedroom townhouses (and puppies – only because they are cute!) 

Saturday afternoon we drove to Klerksdorp where I met Kobus’s sister.  We stayed for the evening, went to church the Sunday morning and had a easter-egg-hunt for the boys after lunch.  As we started the drive to Pretoria, Kobus told me that his dad asked whether this meaning our relationship is serious as he thinks I am the right girl for him and that we should settle down!  (All those nice words and a box of home-made rusks!!) 

When we arrived home, we realised that we were missing one dog.  One stupid idiot with a big white double-cab bakkie bumped into her and left her there, luckily one of our other neighbours were decent enough to pick her up and look after her while we were away.  She seems okay, she is walking and everything as normal, but Kobus will take her to a vet this afternoon as she has puppies on the way.  

On Monday morning Philip and Kobus played a round of golf.  While it was raining!  They were soaked!  While the boys were playing golf, I was snuggle in bed and Logan was eating easter egg after easter egg including mine!!  Later the afternoon we bought name tags for his dogs!  We went for lunch at Menlyn and coffee at Seattle Coffee Company and the weekend ended with an episode of Grey’s Anatomy!  

Logan after being ask whether he loves Uncle Kobus a million times, said “yes” and “no”.  He also made it very clear that he likes his Richard Daddy and that Uncle Kobus is Uncle Kobus and not Daddy.  I think he is thinking about what family is, thinking this whole Uncle Kobus thing through.  I think he is a little confused and yet he is showing sign of placing everyone – it is a good thing.  I think.  It is a lot for a little boy you know!  

From the mosaic you can see there were lots of cuddling, kissing in the rain, holding hands, bubbles baths and general family like things!  Lots of umbrellas-usage!  Lots and lots of fun!  

—  02-05 April 2010 —

Mosaic Maker

Photo credit:  Sushi; Dancing; Tequila; Umbrella; Baking with Love; Films; Easter Eggs; Map of Klerksdorp; Rusks; Gumtree; Hand in Hand; Bubble bath; Golf; Dog name tag; Kissing in the rain; Grey’s Anatomy.

Where has the time gone?

So having a boyfriend has meant there has been quite a lot of changes in my life.  I find myself doing things very differently because time and the value of time has changed a lot:

  • My best friend has started complaining because I don’t blog or tweet enough now.  I should rather say she phones me to tell me she is disappointed in me, for not posting a blog post. 
  • Lack of time invested in completing assignments and studying!  I should mention that my boyfriend is completely committed to making sure I complete my assignments on time and in good form.  And he has advised me, that I will need to start a strict study schedule after the Easter weekend!
  • Time spend socialising with only my female friend.  We still visit.  We still speak on the phone – it just now feels different, it feels like I am neglecting them a bit.  I know it isn’t a case of me not knowing what is going on in their lives.
  • In the past I would lay on the couch feeling lazy, I know find myself getting home and being productive, doing the householdy things I would normally only do in the middle of the night because it has to get done.  (vacuuming in at 11pm, my poor neighbours!!)
  • I’m doing a lot less impulsive things, I now say things like:  “Let me just see what Kobus and I have planned for the day”
  • I plan!!!  We have a shared google calendar!  This makes planning so much easier!

I’m having so much fun!  I’m sure things will settle shortly, studying is a big concern at the moment, as Laura reminded me, exams start in just over a month.  I think for right now however I will just enjoy the long weekend that lies ahead!

Cartoon credit